I'm somewhere between lost and pissed right now. I'm not really sure where to direct my anger right now, and neither do most other people around me right now. First off, I was supposed to be in Vancouver right now. Probably getting a hotel for the night or something. It would have been nice. 7º and... nice. Fuck, it's Vancouver. Okay, the beginning...

Last minute I found a cheap flight to Vancouver to go see Allison and do some serious skiing. The flight was cheap, I have a piece of carpet to sleep on... it's the best of both worlds. The kind of mini vacation that I can only do solo. Something to give me the opposite of what Vegas was to complete it. Whatever... I just wanted to go.

Thursday night I tried to get a bag for my skis, but it was way too snowy to go hunting around the town. I tried National Sports, but they had nothing ski-related. So Friday morning I stopped by Skiis and Biikes on the way to work. No problem, I found a decent bag, and got suckered into buying some goggles (which I needed) that they were advertising as being $100 off. Yes, I can't refuse a deal like that, so I got them for $60. Awesome.

The only problem was when I got back to my car I couldn't find the key fob for the alarm. I lost it the other day, but it turned out to be on my seat the whole time. So I figured that's what happened this time. I opened the door and had a look around, but nothing. The problem wasn't the siren, I already pulled that POS out. The problem was the ignition interlock. I couldn't start the car without turning off the alarm. So I sat in the parking lot for a while, traced the wires from the alarm back under the dash and found the wires for it. I borrowed a cable cutter from inside and cut the whole thing out. It took 10 seconds when I realized what I was doing. Alarms are completely worthless. Oh yeah, and BTW, guess what I found when I opened my trunk? Yep... the fob.

Work went okay, but the plane was delayed almost half an hour. No biggie. The flight was originally supposed to leave at 10:45 pm, but was rescheduled for 11:20. No biggie, it just gave me some time to eat and have a beer. I went to the grill and had a seat at 10:43. The waitress saw me when I got there, but she didn't come over until 11:07. Whatever, I figured I got to sit there free for 20 minutes. Only thing when she finally made it over the grill had closed at 11:00. Bitch.

I drank my two pints and got a good buzz going on. My $10 pints, mind you. Whatever... I needed it to sleep on the plane. I looked over my shoulder and saw that the time had changed again. I thought I saw 0:00. Ehhh, so I'd have time to get another pint before leaving. I sat down, plugged in and waited. I got a call from my dad telling me about my delay until 1:00. 1:00? I had no idea. I read the board wrong. But whatever... so I went to grab another pint from the grill. There were people with beer on the tables still, but they just closed the bar. Fuckers.

I made my way to the other side of the terminal to the other bar. It was good to chill out there. Good times. Best $9 for internet I spent! By this point I was pretty pissed. Three pints is enough to do that on an empty stomach these days. [click - picture time] I grabbed my favourite all-purpose jacket and left to go back to the gate. Somewhere between the bar and the first moving sidewalk I dropped my jacket. I was drunk as shit, but I realized it right away. Someone must have taken it. Probably thought it was a bomb. Assholes.

I talked to maintenance and security all over the place. I figured maintenance might have found it lying somewhere, or security must have known that it was being defused somewhere. No luck. They said that I should try the lost and found on the ground level. I had to go outside the secure area to do that. I figured I'd have time to kill anyway, so I did it. Ran to the front and guess what? It was closed. Stupidheads!

Going back through security was pretty fun actually. They knew I was shittied and they had a pretty good sense of humour. Gotta love it when you're not flying to the US. Those assclowns ruin everything! I forgot my ipod in my pocket and a bunch of change and shit, but they helped me find it. Haha!

By the time I grabbed my Tim Horton's sandwich and sat down to plug in again they announced the flight was cancelled. CANCELLED!?! What the fuck? Do flights really get cancelled? And what do you do when that happens? I've always wondered that. I still don't fucking know!

They announced where our bags were being let out, but I wasn't paying attention. There were all these bags in the various carousels, outside them, on the ground, people everywhere. It was fucking chaos! I was lost. Lost as fuck. So I stood in line while trying to call Air Canada. Dying battery. So I had to have my laptop open. But I was too drunk to hold it. I told the guy behind the counter that "I was too drunk to care, but do you know where the bags from flight 151 are going?" He directed me to A and said they were already out. Decent guy!

The next thing was a bit of a blur. I somehow ended up on the floor with my phone and laptop plugged in beside a pay phone. I was on hold with Air Canada for an hour and a half. AN HOUR AND A HALF! Then they hung up on me! I was laying on my suitcase, drifting in and out of consciousness, listening to this fucking Celine Dion bullshit "all flights are now in terminal one for your improved experience" recording! It drove me fucking insane! But I listened. And listened. But when it hung up on me I got pissed and threw it across the room.

I needed a break, and I was drunk enough to smoke, so I bummed one of this hottie Chinese chick. She was delayed and the car rental place was closed and now she had to wait for a co-worker to pick her up. But she got me excited to go to Vancouver. I was refreshed, awake and ready to go! So excited at her description of the mountains, and the runs that were awaiting me. Clear skies and the perfect temperature. I couldn't wait!

I ran upstairs and figured I'd wait the hour and a half to get another ticket. I took a nap with the phone on hold to my ear again. It was much nicer since everyone else there was in the same situation. I was sobering up too. After an hour on the phone the line started moving. Everyone woke up and we were on our way... until this woman came by asking if anyone was buying tickets. I hung up the phone until she came back. She said that I'd have to go to this other section and call on a white phone.

I was like "score, the hotline! Awesome!" I ran over and picked up the phone. It went to the same fucking place I just hung up from. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This is where I gave up. I went downstairs to grab the shuttle to Park 'n Fly. It took them forever to get there, but the ride was short. When we got to the valet area the building was FULL of people standing around. When I paid for the car I asked if these people were waiting for their cars or to get to the airport. They were waiting for their cars.

Some of these people have been here for (a claimed) three hours! I don't know why, maybe there's more people than they expected because of the cancellations or what. But seriously... they need to wake some fuckers up and pay them overtime, because that's fucking ridiculous. Now I'm sober, relatively calm, almost hung fucking over, pissed and lost. This sucks ass, and not in a good way.

So what's the moral of this story? Air Canada sucks. Their customer service has lost me as a customer. Done. Finished. Cocksuckers. I used to be proud of them, and proud to fly them. Now? Fuck that shit. Celine Dion licking piss drinking motherfuckers. Park 'n Fly sucks too. There are people here threatening the employees. Threatening them! Hire another fucking jockey. Hell, *I'd* do it for the right money. Why not?

I'm going to try to call Air Crapada back when I get home to reschedule. I might be able to go Saturday night, but that kinda defeats the purpose. Hopefully I can go next weekend, and if not... I don't know. Fuck them. Then I'll REALLY rant.

Okay, so I got to Park 'n Fuck at 5:15, after giving them a 15 minute heads up to grab the car. I finally got in it at 7:00. Two fucking hours to grab my fucking car!

Meanwhile I tried calling back Air Crapada while at Park 'n Fuck. That was made around 6:00. I held the call all the way home, through the underground parking garage, and up to my apartment. It was on speakerphone while I started to collect myself. I heard a voice at 8:20. Two hours and 20 minutes later! I told the guy to hold on a sec while I got off speakerphone and my fucking POS phone shut down. I'm too tired and pissed off to care right now. I'm on hold again... listening to Celine Difuckingon again. I hate her more than life it's self.

More updates to follow... as if anything else could go wrong...

UPDATE! W00t! I finally got through and rescheduled for next week, same time same everything. The awesomest thing is that the next week flight is over twice as expensive on their site, and that's when I really wanted to go anyway. So it works out well. Aside from the Park 'n Fluck fiasco and being a little worn for the wear, this is better. :)